


An Approaching Dream

by flowerstems



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Reflection and Contemplation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 21:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1832083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerstems/pseuds/flowerstems
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He remembers his heart burning in his chest, sharpened metal glinting above him, and the sky was on fire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Approaching Dream

When Kenshin was six, blood was spilt near him, on him; he lived through carnage. He survived. That’s all he ever seems to do.

 

He remembers this: it was hot, sticky, horrifying, and strangers' tears mixed with the liquid and burnt his skin. Everything was burning: his eyes were burning in their sockets, his voice was burning in his throat, and he couldn’t move.

 

He remembers his heart burning in his chest, sharpened metal glinting above him, and the sky was on fire. The corpses were all red, all terrified, even the bandits with their covered faces. When it was over he buried them all himself. He couldn't sleep then. He can't sleep now.

 

When Kenshin was seven his name was Shinta. Seijūrō said that name was too soft―too soft for someone like him. A witness. Seijūrō changed his name. At the time Kenshin didn't understand why, Seijūrō said it suited him better, but now Kenshin thinks it’s because his mother would prefer to think (somewhere deep within her heart) her son grew up to be kind and gentle, not the infamous _hitokiri battōsai._ Not the person he is today. Maybe the change was necessary. Maybe he really isn't Shinta anymore, for her sake.

 

Shinta probably grew up well; Shinta probably died with the rest of them.

 

Shinta died so Kenshin would live. The women who protected him would be proud.

 

Maybe that's why he's cursed—all this violence, this bloodshed, is the price to pay for taking Shinta's place.

 

What if he didn’t take Shinta’s place? What if Kenshin never existed? Would blood still be dirty _red_ liquid metal like his sword like every sword, every weapon—could he have been more than a murderer? Was there a chance for his life to be coloured differently?

 

His hair would still be red.

 

Maybe it wasn't his fault. Not completely. After all this time, he still wonders if they were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe he could have lived a clean life if they had taken a different path at those crossroads. Maybe they could have lived, all of them.

 

These thoughts come only with the quiet, when everyone is asleep, when enemies don’t attack. Only Sanosuke would know he's awake, young, hawk-eyed Sanosuke. He wouldn't say anything because he understands. What does Sanosuke think of all this? This good-bad, dirty-clean life—

 

It's the life they lead and the urge to throw it away always slips under his skin, but there are people he wants to be with. Selfish, hopelessly selfish, he knows, but

 

There's Kaoru. Kaoru who opened her arms and her heart and her home to him. Kaoru who forgave and accepted and reconnected him to the world—the real world where people are people and not all weapons, not all killers. Kaoru who's both kind and fearsome, Kaoru who grounds him and makes him human, Kaoru who won’t stop guiding him and won’t stop believing in him. Kenshin's so _grateful_ for her.

 

There's Yahiko who’s too young to be able to call himself a full-fledged warrior, but he's close enough. Closer than he should have to be, stronger than he thinks he is. He may be young, he may be inexperienced, but Yahiko is going to be so much more than just a warrior. He’s going to be _so much more_.

 

There's Sanosuke who's deceptively honest, wearing his thoughts on his back and hiding them somewhere deep and dark all at once. No matter how far Sanosuke tries to hide away under _evil_ and _Zanza_ and _I’m just keeping an eye on you_ , Kenshin can see him, and all he sees is red and white. Sanosuke is looking at him right now—Kenshin won’t try to guess what he’s thinking.

 

There’s Megumi who's overly affectionate but she's strong in a way Kenshin doesn't think he can be; she's something special like Kaoru’s warm heart and she's saved his life a few times more, stitched him up only hours ago. Doctor Gensai checked up on him with his girls—

 

Kenshin thinks and thinks and thinks about them all, and they're family. They're his _family_ and he can use this bloodstained sword to overcome any demon when he thinks of them (he can he will he _must_ ). They’re alive and they’re so, so happy.

 

Moonlight jumps off the floorboards, the sheath of his sword, and for a moment something in the light shines like hope. Kenshin stares at it, commits it to memory in the moment it lasts, and when it flickers away he closes his eyes.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Nostalgia caused me to write this. It's been a quite a while since I last watched Rurouni Kenshin, but I'm still full of love for the characters. Title lobbed from Mayo Suzukaze's "Namida wa Shitteiru".


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